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161 Mother and Child
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161 Mother and Child
(Winona)
The words hit me. Is he just playing mind games? A sibling? My mind reels, trying to process what he's saying.
"My mother... She had another child? To you?"
"Yeah, a year after you left," he says, almost gleefully. | was done raising kids by then and done with supplying
her drug habit, no one wanted to pay for her services anymore."
| stare at him. What a monster.
"Yeah, surprised your mother was a whore, are ya?" He grins. "She wasn't even good at that. Crying every time.
Men want sfire, spassion."
| didn't ever think my heart could break any harder than it already had over the years. But it did. The sudden
realization that | was just too young to realize. He was the reason my mother had a drug habit. He kept her that
way so he could pimp her out. If | could ever kill anyone with no regrets, it's this person in front ofnow.
"One kid was bad enough, and | wasn't about to waste the rest of my life on another. So, I left. Don't know what
happened to them, and | don't care. The house needed bulldozing anyway."
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As | sit there, the past comes rushing back-the house, if you could even call it that. Steve inherited it from his
parents, but by the t| was old enough to remember, it was a rundown mess.
The place was barely livable. Rats scurried at night, their squeaking and scratching a constant reminder of the
filth we lived in.
There was hardly any furniture, just old mattresses thrown on the floor where | slept, a beat-up couch in the
living room, and a fridge that was mostly empty except for beer.
ATV sat on the floor, the only thing Steve seemed to care about as he drank and threw his empties all over the
floor. The dining set, such as it was, never saw a meal. We ate scraps if we ate at all, and never at that table.
Mom was there. She did cry a lot. She did drugs, a lot. Now | know why.
And yet, it was home. My home.
He left my mother, pregnant and alone. The thought makes my skin crawl. Did they survive?
"You left her there," | say, my voice trembling with the weight of everything I'm remembering. "In that hellhole,
pregnant and alone. How could you?"
Steve's lips curl into a sneer. "Jesus! | gave her a house! You women are never happy. She wasn't my
you. | needed a life too." problem anymore. | did my time, raisi
| stare at him, horrified. "You left her to rot. With no food, no money, nothing?"
Steve shrugs, completely unmoved. "Not my problem. God helps those who help themselves. She wanted to
keep the kid, not me. | wasn't going to stick around and play house again. It was bad enough being lumbered
with you."
H
161 Mother and CHEE
"You think you're skind of hero because you didn't selloff, but you left your pregnant wife in a house
that should've been condemned."1 let out every hateful emotion I have for him.
"You didn't protect me, and you sure as hell didn't protect her. You're a coward, Steve. A selfish, cowardly leach
who doesn't deserve to be called a father or a man."
He glares at me, his face hardening. "You think you're better thannow, don't you? With your fancy life
and
your rich boyfriend. But you can't erase where you cfrom. You can't erase your gene pool."
I know he's goading me, and | shouldn't react. His horrid words continue. "I bet your bigshot boyfriend doesn't
know where you really cfrom. He wouldn't touch you if he knew your mother was a whore and a useless one
at that!"
| stand up and | pull my hand back and land the hardest slap I've ever given anyone on his face. Every drop of
hatred and disgust | have for him is in that slap. My hand rings in pain but it's worth it.
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It stuns him for a second but then he is up and hasaround the throat. His fist is raised high ready to strike.
His beating used to scareonce. | stare defiantly into his eyes. | don't feel fear anymore.
| don't feel anything. "One day I'll dance on your grave," | say.
Then Gordon is there behind him, holding his arms before he can land the blow that was coming. Gordon pushes
Steve to the ground and comes over to me. "Let's go. He's pathetic."
I've been trying so hard to build a life, to create something good out of the wreckage he left behind. He's tried to
dragback into that darkness, to remindthat no matter how far I've come, there's still a part oftied to
that nightmare. But | feel free of it today.
| may have a brother or sister living that snightmare right now. If they survived. If my mother survived.
Steve's not winning this time.
"I'm done with you," | say, my voice cold and final. "You don't get to hurtanymore. You don't get to control
me. You don't even get to makecare anymore. I'm walking away, and I'm never looking back."
My legs are surprisingly steady as | start to walk away. But then | pause and turn back to him, meeting his gaze
one last time.
"You're a poor excuse for a father and an even poorer excuse for a man. You'll die alone, and no one will care." |
smile at him.
Let God be the ultimate judge, and the devil can take his due.
162 The Past Unravels
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